Over the years, I have written several several takes, applications, thoughts, and republished dialogues on ego and self-esteem.

In terms of personal development--irrespective of your motivations; no matter if the flashpoint is your inter-personal relationships or professional life--there is no single factor that is more important to the core of your happiness, your ease and flow, and your general thrival and expansion than your egoic development. From ego-centric to gender-centric or ethno-centric to world-centric to cosmo-centric.

Blah, blah, blah. Heh.

Below is a round-up of those articles to date.

Some are tailored to small business folk. Others are more abstract and theoretical. One is a dialogue about ego among me and my brilliant friends on facebook. All are important to you as you settle into the you that is expanding personally, professionally, financially, relationally...and yes, of course, Spiritually.

Where the rubber of possibility meets the road of reality [and sometimes leaves a mark] and whether it gains traction or not, is with this single point of access.

Yes, it will enable you to handle the crap life throws at you. Deal with the less visionary of the world. Regain your balance when you lose it, be able to draw boundaries, ask for what you know you deserve, and have the confidence in the truth that everything will be fine ... eventually. That you will learn, grow, develop, and thrive. Eventually.

And remember, while the distinctions are important, an ounce of integration is worth a pound of insight or knowledge. Build the muscle. Practice. Notice. Witness.

Okee-dokee. Enough of me waxing poetic. Here they are. From the divine to the practical. From the theoretical to the hard driving and direct. Have fun.

:::

1. Self-Esteem and the Solo-Entrepreneur
2. Evolutionary Thinking on the Evolution of Ego
3. Quadrant-Based Model for Esteem for the Self
4. The Need for Approval ::: Your Self-Worth is a Settled Matter

In Service and In Evolution,

jason.the.mcclain™

Self-Esteem Matrix

[Validation (V) ::: Worth | Referencing (R) ::: Efficacy]
Internal and external locus

If we combine Dr Nathaniel’s definition of self-esteem—that is that self-esteem has two integral and inseparable—yet equally important and parallel—components:

• Self-efficacy [knowledge of our effectiveness/our value/guilt]
• Self-respect [Making choices appropriate to life/self-worth/shame

…with another multi-dimensional idea ::: that the “high self-esteem” and “low self-esteem” binary representation is inadequate to accurately explain some behaviors and behavioral choices, and we look at where the individual’s attention is, then we begin to create a richer and deeper—and therefore more accurate signifier—a more accurate representation of esteem for the self.

I prefer that phrase, that is: esteem for the self, to the more common phrase “self-esteem” for two reasons:

1. The phrase/word “self-esteem” is one of the most misunderstood and overused phrases in American pop psychology. And,
2. The phrase Esteem for the Self refocuses our attention where it should be; our opinion of the “me” in our self-concept.

 The sad part is that what most of the “experts” in academia call “self-esteem” is simply not self-esteem, but rather “other-esteem”. This can border on the absurd when supposed experts call for an end to competition. Or, an end to grades in school.

Given that our esteem for the self is our immune system for life, it must be tested, so it can grow, respond, and develop the metaphoric antibodies to the hardships of life. While I am far from competitive, I am glad it existed in my upbringing. Grades. Martial Arts training, science contests, spelling bees, etc.

Anyway … to bring a richer texture to the conversation … in the above figure we have 4 basic locations or orientations to esteem for the self. Internal / external and validation / referencing.

Below are some relatively raw notes on the quadrants above, but more importantly, below that is a table that lays out some of the misconceptions about what it means to have true esteem for the self. For those of you who know me to be a proponent of stage conceptions, this is not in conflict with an egoic stage conception, but it would overly complicate the conversation for mass consumption to add another dimension in this writing.

If you are curious about how this quadrant-based model would interact with a stage conception for egoic development, shoot me an email … ok:

With no further ado:

UPPER LEFT ::: If someone is Internally validated [VI] and they are externally referenced [RE] then we have the ideal situation; someone who is internally validated, and therefore “immune” at a core level from the opinions of others—yet also externally referenced, meaning they care about gathering feedback from the outside world and from others—so they can continually become more effective, and—if need be—adjust their behaviors. This quadrant is the healthiest of the quadrants. Those grounded in this quadrant will be happiest, more at ease with themselves, interact more effectively with others, and produce better results in the real world.

UPPER RIGHT ::: Internally validated and internally referenced. Not ideal. They truly do not care about the opinions of feelings of others—and do not need them, but simultaneously they do not notice their impact or care about their impact. You could call this person the empowered idiot. Unaware entirely.

LOWER LEFT ::: Externally validated and externally referenced. This person is constantly contorting themselves to whomever is around them, based on subtle or gross cues, but they are also dependent on the opinion of others to feel good about themselves. They try to be everything for and to everybody. I jokingly refer to this quadrant as “hell”. They will never feel good about themselves as they are never in touch with themselves—and do not even know who they are—and their feelings will shift like the wind upon the whims or preferences of others.

LOWER RIGHT ::: Externally validated but internally referenced. This person is desperate for people’s attention, their validation and praise, yet is inner-focused and not able to adjust to cues. Imagine them seeking approval, and constantly bumping into walls and people all the time. Desperate for approval. Never quite able to do the right thing to get it. Let's call this quadrant "purgatory".

Heh.

Until next time ...

In Warmth and In Service ...

jason.the.mcclain™

RSVP for address and directions

Many of us sample the buffet of options for development and transformation in the Bay Area. This ... is good. AND often we taste this and nibble on that and never really get our core challenges, issues, and limitations handled. We may get our presenting problems, dissolved, but we never really dissolve or evolve the source of those presenting problems.

That leaves us chasing our own tail in this context or that context.

Sadly, most of us are treating the symptom, not the cause of our challenges and problems, and they then crop up again in another area because we never address the core:

    • How we relate to ourselves [ego]
    • How we relate to the events in our lives  [interpretations, reactions, meanings, "emotional atmospheres"]

After a solid 20 years of examining many modalities, experiences, transformational paths ... I have created an approach--a system--that does indeed go to the very core of it for you.

Imagine ... what if their were ONE model. One approach. An approach that honored and appropriately applied all modalites? One cohesive system. One offering that *would* address the very core of your challenges?

That is what this evening is about.

And again, imagine...

Imagine being confused when someone asks you if you took something personally.  Authentically confused–as in, that interpretation is actually confusing to you. Imagine being free–finally–from the opinions of others defining who you are.

Imagine being free and at choice when the vicissitudes of life happen around you--you are at choice. Fully.

Imagine when the sh** comes down in your life there is just the sh** to deal with and your mind is fully in service–it is your slave, rather than you being enslaved and imprisoned by your own mind.  Being free from the emotions that enslave most people--and at choice--fully.

I do not mean just in a specific context, like relationships or finances or professional–personal evolution is not context dependent–but free at core level, such that your natural emotional responses are more free–in every context.

Our ego and our emotions evolve in stages. Greater and greater expanse. Ever-increasing levels of freedom. Wider and wider embrace of all that arises–moment to moment. This is important to you because your stage will determine how you interpret events as well as your emotional reaction to it--before any re-framing can occur. In other words, it is what governs your relationship to interacting with the world and with yourself.

Let’s accelerate the process together--so we can play more, love deeper, laugh longer–and hurt for only as long as is necessary for us to learn what we must learn to deepen our experience of ourselves.

To unfold our depths; to reveal our Divinity. And isn’t that what it’s all for anyway? To love deeper, play harder, and to laugh more?

As you touch your hand to your heart you may begin to feel Divinity waiting, wanting to come out and play. Release your Divinity; release the highest within you. Do the work to release--your inner god/dess. To clear the clouds away from your inner Sun. To be a living example of the highest of the High? To better emulate your understanding of all that God and Grace...is?

Your Personal Evolution is the gateway. Seize your birthright.

Yes, it will take the gristly and gritty work of building the muscles of facility with Self.  AND it will be the most valuable endeavor you have undertaken.

• Clear your past--like, really.
• Build a sold sense of Self and develop Facility with Self, and
• Open to purpose, community and intimate relating with ease and flow as a natural outgrowth of all of the above.

Let's explore this unfolding together.

What: Free Evening Intro to Personal Evolution | The Evolutionary Ego
When: Tues Oct 26th @ 7:30 pm in a gorgeous loft space in Rohnert Park, CA
Where: RSVP for address and directions

Originally Published November 2004.

“We’re one, but we are not the same.”—Bono, U2

Once I was in a train station waiting for a train with a friend. He pointed to a steel and cement column and said, “at the sub-atomic level, this column is mostly air. So are you. So am I…”. And he went on to state we were the same as the column—no difference—and no different from one another. He went on to imply that there was, therefore, no meaning to anything. I stretched my arm out, made a fist, and pushed my fist at the column until it stopped with a thud. I looked at him and I said, “that may be so, AND at the same time, the world we move through is not the sub-atomic world”.

Often we are addressed with reminders, assertions, and at times even pleas, that we are “all one”. We are all human. We are all the same at some level. We all bleed red. At the sub-atomic level, we are all made up of the same stuff. In fact, at the sub-atomic level, at least at our current level of knowledge [see String Theory for an interesting hypothesis about how we may be very different from one another indeed], not only are we all “the same” as beings, we are the same as a rock, dirt, plant life, our dog, the wall, etc. Eastern Spiritual traditions remind us that at the ultimate level, it is all vibrations, all wavelets. "Validated" by science, at the “ultimate” level, we are all the same—“just” sub-atomic particles.

And yet, anyone with eyes, ears, a tactile sense, and a mind can tell we are all very, very different. I challenge anyone who says that the ultimate level is the only important level (“we are all one”) to Zen his or her way through me the next time we meet.

The problem with this is that most people cannot seem to contain both I.D.E.A.s intellectually, experientially, or spiritually, so then end up ignoring one or the other, or collapsing the informational and the practical.

Does our having the same sub-atomic structures mean we are all the same? Are you “the same” as a murderer? A rapist? A child molester? A terrorist? A priest? A politician? A man? A woman? A tribal leader? A shaman? A grocery clerk? A Fortune 500 CEO? Are you and I “the same” as Mozart, Bill Gates, Socrates, Thomas Jefferson, or Ayn Rand?

Of course not. And, yes.

We have differing sets of skills, intelligence, symmetry, size, shape, and color. And yet...to paraphrase Ken Wilber, “while we are all perfect manifestations of the divine—of Spirit—yet how we demonstrate that is bound by our current level of development; we are limited to our current depth”. Spiritual reductionism [we are all one and we are all perfect and we are all love] is usually accompanied by moral relativism.

No act is inherently better than any other act. No world-view is more true than any other—and they are arbitrary.

I disagree.

Setting aside the performative contradiction (if no world-views are any more true than the other, then neither is that world-view—and thus it is false), compassion is better than anger because it possesses greater depth. Love is better than hate for the same reason. Grace is better than vengeance for the same reason—it requires an awareness of greater depth to exercise those choices, therefore, it is better. Liberty is better than tyranny. Free Enterprise is better that centrally planned economies. In both cases they produce better results. Measurably better.

Different beings possess different levels of awareness; different depths that that can reflect back by the development of their own depth. In this, we are very different indeed. Is there utility in thinking we are all one—all the same? Perhaps. It can assist us in bridging potentially explosive differences in a world where differences in ideology can kill and maim.

At the same time, in a world where ideologies can kill and maim, we had better keep the differences in mind as well. In all things, be discerning, but not judgmental. Keep your mind open—but keep it working.

Never allow someone to demand you turn off your common sense for their imagined utopia.

Relationships: Effective Communication | Elegant Navigation

Part 2: The Solutions (1100 words, average reading time: 4.5 minutes)

[part 1 can be found here]

I have a very simple approach to relationships, that avoids most, if not all, of the problems outlined in the interpersonal conflicts above. It is the philosophical grounding I take on in all of my relationships explicitly:

• Realize—and accept—the fact that no one way of approaching relationships, communication, or conflict is the “right way”. That there is no consensus agreement or reality except that which you form with the Other. They are simply different styles…therefore take this on as an organizing principle and act accordingly: 

• Give the other person the freedom to be however they want; to be self expressed free from attempts to control them or suppress them
• Give yourself the freedom to be fully self-expressed—to be your authentic self
• In the event that one person’s behavior upsets the other, the person who is upset makes a clear request to alter the offending behavior
  • If they accept the request, you now have an agreement
  • If they decline the request, you now know what to expect from them and have more understanding of each other’s approach to the world
  • Forge an agreement with the other that this is the way you will approach relationships and conflict

Simple.

It gives both parties maximum freedom to be themselves. It treats both parties like adults who are responsible for their own experience—and can express their needs. Everything is on the table and at face value. There is no second-guessing. There is no ambiguity. There are no guessing games or “game playing”.

And really, holding someone accountable to agreements they have not made—in the form of your unstated expectations—is simply unjust. It is also supremely arrogant, in that it assumes that “well, everybody knows that you should…” which can be translated at a deeper level of its assumption is “my way of doing relationships is the global standard”. 

Incredibly arrogant.

Your way of doing it may be more effective—and may even be more enjoyable for both parties if accepted by and engaged in by both parties—but it is not the only way to do it, and in the absence of an explicit consensus or agreement reality, you must create one.

As I said, it is simple. However, it is not easy.   

There are several things you must do and develop efficacy with for this approach to work and work well for both parties.  There is also a very effective way to communicate through those upsets before making your request (the last bullet point above). We’ll get to that in a few minutes.

First, here is what you must do:

Take on the recommended philosophical grounding and approach outlined in the bullet points above. 

Take responsibility. Don’t do it for them, or for the other person. Do it for yourself—as your esteem for yourself will expand and grow each time you accept responsibility. Your sense of self expands. It also has the effect of allowing people who are emotionally mature enough to follow suit and take responsibility for their part in it—rather than polarizing, blaming each other, and digging your heels in—to the detriment of the relationship and/or for the thin gruel of short-term ego inflation (as opposed to healthy egoic expansion, which occurs, again, by taking responsibility). 

Engage in as many other practices as possible to build true and healthy esteem for the self.  It is your immune system for your emotional life.

Make a firm decision to practice and exercise your facility with self.  At a bare minimum, know that even if your interpretations of what is occurring are mostly accurate, they are at least incomplete. Always look to include more information in your world-view. Expand your perspective.

More advanced practices to exercise your internal facility would be to consider:

• How else could the events/their actions be interpreted?
• Where else could the person be coming from?
  • What else—besides your disempowering interpretation/projection/guess—could be their motivations? Their intent? Their outcome?
  • What could their positive intent be?
  • Step into their shoes. What could their experience of you be right now? Is it positive? Neutral? Negative? What else is going on right now for them that is straining their resources?
  • What emotion is underneath their communication—and speak directly to and validate that before getting to facts and agreements

Take on a responsible and conscious model for communicating your emotions, expectations, and for requesting an agreement around styles.

All three of those can be addressed by one simple model—in 4 steps. For this, I borrow heavily from Dr Marshall Rosenberg’s work. Here is my suggested approach to communicate upset and negotiate an agreement:

1. State the emotion responsibly [“responsibly” is explained below in step 1]
2. Take responsibility for the unstated/un-agreed-to expectation
3. Make a request
4. Get an answer

Let me provide an example of the kind of language to accomplish this, mapped to the steps, with some guidelines. Let’s take an innocuous example of someone not calling you and they then arrive 20 minutes late [recommended language in bold]:

1. I am noticing I am experiencing anger [or worry, or frustration, or ____________”… [not “you made me angry”, “It pisses me off when you do that”, etc. Not everyone would be angered by it. It is your interpretation and your expectation causing the upset—not some external force or person;
2. That’s because I have an expectation that people will call if they are going to be more than  _____  minutes late…
3. So my request is that from now on, if you are going to be more than _____ late that you call and let me know.
4. Is that something you are willing to agree to…or not? [yes and no must both be fine answers, otherwise it is a demand/boundary declaration, not a request. Give them the freedom to say no]

This model can be used with any situation between two people where there is emotional upset present to elegantly and rapidly move through it.

And…to turn this in on itself, you could use this very model to get agreement around using this model. In fact, I highly recommend you do that.

How? Here is the model used to get agreement around the model:

1. I am noticing I am frustrated by the way we have been communicating when we are upset or in conflict
2. That’s because I have an expectation that it could be done in a way that would honor us both, while moving through it rapidly
3. So my request is that from now on, when we are upset, we use this simple 4-step process when we are upset  [show them the model—heck, show them this article]
4. Is that something you are willing to agree to…or not?

Simple.

If there is an actual agreement in place that was broken, there is another equally facile way to move through that…but I will save that for another time.

Some people have protested, “but this takes so much consciousness” or “so much awareness” or “but they should just know that…”

You have to choose for yourself if the relationship—intimate or friendly or professional—is worth increasing your consciousness and your skill. And it is a skill to navigate both your own interiors as well as the conflict using these approaches and models. Since it is a skill it will take practice—and give yourself the freedom to stumble until you become skilled at it.

What awaits you on the other side is fulfilling relationships based on clarity and truth—rather than assumptions and delusion—as well as the ability to rapidly move through conflict so that it takes just minutes, rather than days—or, frankly, never—to do so. AND these are approaches and skills that will serve not only you, but all of those around you in every single context and every relationship in your life.

Do it for yourself, if nothing else.

I think you’re worth it. I trust you do as well.

For more clarity and resources on the critical component of self-esteem, see Dr Nathaniel Branden’s work in general, and his Six Pillars of Self Esteem in particular. Here is an article to get you started.

Relationships: Effective Communication | Elegant Navigation

Part 1: The Problem (1346 words. Average reading time: 6 minutes)

In the global marketplace of cultures, ideas, relationships, and business strategies, we can no longer say that there is one way to “do relationships” or that there is an “is-ness” to what form they should take.

 There simply is no global—or even local—consensus around relationships—if there ever was.

Whether we are speaking about arranged marriages still common on the other side of the globe in India, gay marriages—legal in some countries and some U.S. States or other alternative forms of relating from polyamory, or other non-traditional, non-monogamous relationship forms, we can certainly say that what is considered an acceptable form of relating is massively expanding in scope.

Whether you agree or disagree with those life-style choices, it is undeniable that the very idea of relationship is in evolution both morally and culturally.  Not to mention in practicality—in form.

And yet … 

And yet, most people still cannot seem to even navigate the waters of traditional relationships with facility and elegance.  Even many friendships are not always fulfilling and conflicts are rarely navigated effectively—if at all. Sadly, many marriages and intimate romantic relationships often hobble along until people are just in a habit, not a relationship. They’re still “together” on the surface, but the reality, truth, intimacy, and dynamism faded—or died—long ago.

They are in a habit, not an actual relationship.

There are certainly exceptions to this.  Both in relationships and in society as a whole. We have individuals and small “intentional” communities who have it as one of their stated values to become facile at navigating the waters of relationships—including  conflicts and misunderstandings that arise, as well as their internal, individual, personal emotional upset or “charge” that comes along with it—with skill, ease, and a good degree of elegance.

But even after more than 40 years of the rise and expansion of the human potential movement, these are exceptions, not rules.  Heck, they are often not even expected standards, let alone the rule.

But it could be so.  

We can all have fulfilling, harmonious relationships. Even in conflict, there are philosophical approaches as well effective communication models that, if take on, can fulfill on this possibility—and make it a reality.

So…what are they?

 First, let’s look at some of the common problems that arise. And then, together, we will examine some simple solutions.

The Problems

Many of dynamics within inter-personal problems and/or conflicts can be summed up thusly:

• A belief that relationships are “supposed to take work” or “supposed to be hard”
• Dishonesty. Dishonesty in at least two ways
  • Deceit—actual lying
  • Hiding the truth—not just of facts, which we will lump in with the above, but of our internal, subjective experience. Our process. And what is going on for us.
• Blaming others for our circumstances or the situation AND
• Failing to take responsibility for our part in a conflict or misunderstanding
• Simply meaning two different things—or interpreting something in two different ways—that are in conflict unknowingly until the it causes a conflict explicitly and openly
• An egoic need to “be right” put before a search for truth and accuracy
• A lack of emotional choice or facility [being run by our anger, fear, anxiety, guilt, resentments etc.]
• A lack of knowledge around how to effectively communicate through a conflict—a lack of a positive, effective, workable model
• A lack of skillful means with those models
• A collision of values/world-views that are in conflict

Why are people dishonest? Several reasons seem to occur most frequently:

• We do not want to “rock the boat”
• We do not want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling them the truth [even though, in reality, most people can handle the truth, it is the deception or the hiding that causes the true hurt once revealed or discovered
• Fear—fear of being judged, fear of being alone, fear of being rejected, or just plain fear of speaking the truth directly.

Why do people blame others?  Oh, so many reasons, but a few common reasons are:

• It’s just easier to point the finger outside of oneself than it is to take responsibility—even when oneself is more “to blame”.
• We do not have solid enough sense of self to take responsibility without going into a state of shame—and therefore avoid doing so
• We have fault and blame collapsed with responsibility

Why do people resist—sometimes at great cost interpersonally and in terms of intimacy—taking responsibility?

Sadly, people think that responsibility equals blame or fault, but they are actually separate matters. Responsibility really means just that—being able to respond.  To engage. To resolve. To accept your part in it.  When they collapse fault and blame with taking responsibility, they avoid it like the plague, lest they experience guilt and/or shame around it.  Unfortunately, the other person in the equation is often all too willing to assist the other in feeling guilt or shame for egoic reasons—or to extract their pound of flesh, their pint of blood.

While I certainly do not want to oversimplify these complex and multi-faceted issues, we could say that all of those items can boil down to one core cause: insufficient esteem for the self; a lack of healthy and appropriate ego development. Except in the case of actual physical abuse, there is no reason other than a lack of esteem for yourself—knowledge of your competence to communicate it and your belief that you deserve to be happy—to explain it. AND, in the case of actual physical abuse, if the individual is staying in that system—and therefore participating in it—we can trace it to the same core: a lack of esteem for the self; that they deserve better and take action to make it so.

Without boring you by vivisecting all of those problem dynamic bullet points let’s cut to the quick of it: we could trace all of the problems in relationships down to 4 basic common denominators, 3 of them completely resolvable, and the 4^th, quite often possible to resolve:

1. Anemic esteem for the Self
2. Underdeveloped facility – both emotionally as well as communication skills
3. Lack of knowledge of effective communication models or processes
4. A collision of worldviews at the level of values

We will address solutions to items 1, 2, and 3 in Part 2. For a partial examination of the 4^th item, I will point you to another article on that subject HERE on my legacy site.

 You can proceed to Part 2 of this article: The Solutions HERE.

You can download it at this link  [on PC: right+click and save as; on Mac OS: CTRL+Click and save as--some browsers will download it automatically if you simply click on the link.

Imagine...

Imagine being confused when someone asks you if you took something personally. Authentically confused–as in, that interpretation is actually confusing to you. Imagine being free–finally–from the opinions of others defining who you are.

Imagine being free and at choice when the vicissitudes of life happen around you--you are at choice. Fully.

Imagine when the sh** comes down in your life there is just the sh** to deal with and your mind is fully in service–it is your slave, rather than you being enslaved and imprisoned by your own mind.  Being free from the emotions that enslave most people--and at choice--fully.

I do not mean just in a specific context, like relationships or finances or professional–personal evolution is not context dependent–but free at core level, such that your natural emotional responses are more free–in every context.

Our ego and our emotions evolve in stages. Greater and greater expanse. Ever-increasing levels of freedom. Wider and wider embrace of all that arises–moment to moment.

This is important to you because your stage will determine how you interpret events as well as your emotional reaction to it--before any re-framing can occur. In other words, it is what governs your relationship to interacting with the world and with yourself.

Let’s accelerate the process of movement through the stages--so we can play more, love deeper, laugh longer–and hurt for only as long as is necessary for us to learn what we must learn to deepen our experience of ourselves.

To unfold our depths; to reveal our Divinity. And isn’t that what it’s all for anyway? To love deeper, play harder, and to laugh more?

As you touch your hand to your heart you may begin to feel Divinity waiting, wanting to come out and play. Release your Divinity; release the highest within you. Do the work to release--your inner god/dess. To clear the clouds away from your inner Sun.

Your Personal Evolution is the gateway.

Yes, it will take the gristly and gritty work of building the muscles of facility with Self.  AND it will be the most valuable endeavor you have undertaken.

• Clear your past--like, really.
• Build a sold sense of Self and develop Facility with Self, and
• Open to purpose, community and intimate relating with ease and flow as a natural outgrowth of all of the above.

Let's explore this unfolding together.

What: Free Evening Intro to Personal Evolution | The Evolutionary Ego
When: Wednesday October 13th @ 7:30 pm
Where: RSVP to find out the specific San Francisco location [Inner Sunset @ 9th @ Judah-ish

Be forewarned ::: this is serious personal evolution geek stuff.

I am also going to make the unusual move of saying the very premise of what I am about to lay out is inaccurate. That’s right. I am beginning by saying I am wrong in my assertion that there is an individual relationship between mimetic stage and what one “worships”. Why? Because we experience / interpret through and emotionally react from our stage of development—and an individual can therefore have an experience of a particular spirituality or spiritual expression that is the same religion and same “god” as another at a radically different stage and therefore experience it differently. However, I have noticed cultural clumps that gives us enough evidence to make these generalizations below for the purpose of engaging in this thought experiment. To understand some of what I will say in this writing, one must have an at least basic grasp of the Spiral Dynamics model. There are two summaries attached for your downloading HERE and HERE. Source ::: LINK . Review those before reading further.

My favorite way of representing Spiral Dynamics comes from Dr. Claire Graves himself: The memes are “degrees of activation of the nervous system”. These are not types of people but rather ways of thinking that are holarchically emergent within people. Having established all of the above as our foundation...

The status of the world today is precarious.

All we need to do is turn on the television or spend a day reading the New York Times, WaPo, The Wall Street Journal, Instapundit, or google news, to see some article about humans attempting to force their value system—often expressed through religiosity—onto others. Whether you are a Israeli having to worry about your existential existence while others in the name of Allah want to push you to the sea, or a secular humanist fearful of the Christian Right in America and some Nation States in Europe, or you are a secular Jew shaking your head at the expansion of settlements deeper into “Palestine”…or you were a New York Resident who watched the twin towers fall you are probably--to varying degrees—aware of and worried about religious fundamentalism and its perilous impact on the global web of life.

But there are other forms that are not as obvious and are more popularly accepted and advocated in today’s media and the latest social mimetic in vogue.

Regardless of which belief system you call your own, the dangers of religious fundamentalism are undeniable. In all likelihood, you just think it is the fundamentalism of the Other that is dangerous. But what of your own? You may or may not worship a traditional god, but there is a 98% chance you worship something—and have your own attachment and identification to it. Who or what do you worship? It may not be a god, a goddess, or a Great Spirit but it is something. Is it success, achievement, or the all-mighty dollar? Is it Gaia, Mother Earth, the biosphere? Is it the Nation State, government, or the democratic process? What do you surrender your mind to? What are you an activist for? Put your worship into? Become irrational over or about? Deny evidence to the contrary for/of? Once someone says anything is a settled matter—and are closed to debate or dialogue—and go so far as to say that those who do not agree should be tried and hanged, that, my friends, is religious fundamentalism regardless of the form of the deity. In fact, here is an organization advocating Nuremburg-Style Trials for Global Warming Skeptics. Lovely. Lovely example of fundamentalism, that is. Gaia as God/dess. Apparently we are going back to burning people at the stake for being heretics. Only the deity has changed.

Now that I have your attention, the rest of this piece will be a geek-out session of personal evolution and the emergent in spiral dynamics coupled with cultural clumps and the waves a particular god/dess or “deity” is most inclined towards.

Purple or “magic/mythic” will worship nature and the spirits in nature. The trees talk to Purple. So does the wind. They may worship the great Spirit or the Directions and their elements. Red worships power, respect, might, and most notably, blows things up in the name of Allah. Their “gods” may be the gang, the dictator, the Authoritarian State and so on. Blue/Conventional is likely to worship a Christian/Judeo god in a fundamentalist way—taking the bible or the Torah literally. Orange will worship the all-mighty dollar, success, status, and achievement, and/or hard science. Green will worship Gaia or Community or Multiculturalism and "Diversity" with great fervor and no regard for real-world results.

And thus ends Tier 1, where the “Momentous Leap”, as Dr Claire Graves called it, emerges and occurs. At Yellow, or Integral—the first stage in Tier 2, there is little or no “worship”, but rather an appreciation of all forms of worship and all metaphors [yes I said it] for the highest form of consciousness; what some refer to as “God” or Goddess”.

Having said all that, it is possible for someone to rise through these emergent stages in one of any of the religions or forms of worship listed above—but the way they interpret it moves from maniacal and fervent to literal to obedient to questioning to rejecting to appreciating it for its metaphorical value--yet having choice around it. And as one rises through those waves, stages, or levels of development in relationship to it, its grasp and its “Truth-ness” becomes less and less rigid and less and less fundamentalist and therefore less and less violent both physically and metaphorically. We hold our beliefs less rigidly and in relationship with them, our beliefs do not hold onto us quite so rigidly either. They lose their grip on us.

So…who—or what—do you worship? Each memetic stage in the evolution of values [another way of thinking about and representing SD] has its own fixation and spiritual expression. Is it God? Jehovah? Allah? Is it the Market? is it Gaia? Is it Community or the State?

Imagine being confused when someone asks you if you took something personally. Authentically confused–as in, that interpretation is actually confusing to you.

Imagine being free–finally–from the opinions of others defining who you are.

Imagine when the sh** comes down in your life there is just the sh** to deal with and your mind is fully in service–it is your slave, rather than you being enslaved and imprisoned by your own mind.  Being free from the emotions that enslave most people--and at choice--fully.

I do not mean just in a specific context, like relationships or finances or professional–personal evolution is not context dependent–but free at core level, such that your natural emotional responses are more free–in every context.

Imagine “reframing” being unnecessary–unnecessary because the reframe is the frame that naturally arises.

Our ego and our emotions evolve in stages. Greater and greater expanse. Ever-increasing levels of freedom. Wider and wider embrace of all that arises–moment to moment.

This is important to you because your stage will determine how you interpret events as well as your emotional reaction to it--before any re-framing can occur. In other words, it is what governs your relationship to interacting with the world and with yourself. 

Of course, this is only important if you interact with others–or yourself.

Let’s accelerate the process of movement through the stages--so we can play more, love deeper, laugh longer–and hurt for only as long as is necessary for us to learn what we must learn to deepen our experience of ourselves.

To unfold our depths; to reveal our Divinity.

And isn’t that what it’s all for anyway?

Because who we are is pure divinity. Pure Spirit. “God/dess” manifest. Yet our particular manifestation is clouded.

As you touch your hand to your heart you may begin to feel Divinity waiting, wanting to come out and play. Release your Divinity; release the highest within you. Release--your inner god/dess.

Your Personal Evolution is the gateway. 

Yes, it will take the gristly and gritty work of building the muscles of facility with Self.  AND it will be the most valuable endeavor you have undertaken.

Let's explore this unfolding together.

What: Free Evening Intro to Personal Evolution | The Evolutionary Ego
When: Tuesday August 24th @ 7pm
Where: RSVP to find out the San Francisco location

[This was originally written in February 2003. This is the unedited, original version]

We, as a people, seem to love classifications. As humans, it is what we do best: identification. It separates us from primates. We can identify and classify things into systems, genres, classes, subclasses, and so on. This is a great skill; a skill that could even save your life some day as you classify “dangerous, not dangerous – deadly, not deadly”. The ability to identify (what is it?) and then extrapolate accurately (what does it mean?) is indeed a critical skill. A skill no less critical even as we get more and more civilized. In fact, it could be argued that the dangers get ever more complex and demanding of this skill the more complex our society becomes and the more knowledgeable we become.

When this gets interesting is when we apply and over apply this skill to other human beings where physical safety is clearly not a concern. We have all sorts of categorizations and systems of classification. We have race, sexual preferences and orientation, political party affiliation, zodiac sign, political orientation or leaning, class separation, high school cliques, enneagram number, etc., etc. These are all tools we use to classify, to categorize, and to put people into some box or drawer. At first, it may seem like we use these tools to gain a better understanding of who they are, really. Is that how we typically use them, in actuality?

The way I have seen myself and others use them is as I described above. We put them into a box. We now think we “know” them, or at least that portion of them. They are a democrat or a republican and all of a sudden, we now “know them” politically. They are a 3 on the enneagram, and all of a sudden we “know” what to expect of their behaviors; their light and beautiful side and their darker patterns. We put them into a box and we can then relax, or tense, or whatever, but some part of us relaxes. We know them; we can now relax and move on to putting another part of them into a box. Are they heterosexual or homosexual? Ah, they are bi-sexual. We can now relax (or tense [laugh]) because we now “know” who they are sexually. But do we? (It is most amusing to see someone feed their ego when they think they have “nailed” someone’s zodiac sign or enneagram number by guessing at it; excited about putting someone in a box.)

Once we put someone into a box, we then stop relating to who they are as a unique and beautiful being -- we begin to relate to the box. We begin to fit all of their behaviors into that box or view their behaviors through the filter of said box. Sure, we are more comfortable ourselves once we have classified them, but the real relating begins to die a slow (or rapid) death. We now stop relating to who they are in this moment, right now, and begin to relate to what we read about them in a book, or what we see about their “type” on TV, Etc. Then what began as a tool for greater understanding and deeper relating has ended up as a wall or a barrier to greater and truer understanding – a barrier to more intimate relating; a wall around the heart. A wall and a filter we are often not even aware of.

And what are human Beings anyway? They are manifestations of the divine. Can we really classify that? Human Beings at their best and most inspirational are creative, spontaneous, dances of improvisation, which is completely unpredictable, and if we get too caught up in who we think they are, we may miss a glimpse of god as it dances right before us, right within our grasp.

While these tools for classification are useful to a certain point, they are only useful to a certain point, where if we want true relating, true intimacy, they must then be cast aside. If we truly desire peace on this planet, it will take something like this, from all sides, from all perspectives, from all lands.

From the heart, guided by the head, enveloped in Spirit,

Jason McClain

2.9.2003

We have been sold a bill of goods around ego. One that creates internal division and conflict. One that creates internal dissonance. One that creates pain. One that, at its worst, can foster a certain degree of self-hatred. A dis-ownership of the self. A bill of goods that is 2,500 years old in terms of its story around ego, the nature of ego, and the "problem" of ego.

And there is a better way. One that can create the same intended result with a kinder, gentler more self-accepting approach that can accelerate the evolution of the ego through the radical acceptance of expanding the ego, rather than attempting the psychological and spiritual suicide of ego annihilation. 

You can also see some similar themes around ego in the business context, read this article:  Self-Esteem and the Solo-Preneur | Internal vs. External Locus of Responsibility for an even deeper cut, taken from an email I sent a client a couple years ago, read Your Self-Worth is a Settled Matter.

Ok...ready? ::: Heh.

A quote from Ken Wilber I posted spawned an in-depth, yet brief—discussion on the nature and evolution of ego, Spiral Dynamics, the Integral community, and related topics, including the difference between cognitive development and actual development ::: the difference being understanding vs emotional response and being, or stated differently ::: one’s “center of gravity”.

The style is conversational, as it was an actual conversation.

Below are excerpted comments in the thread that followed. The order of some of the comments have been changed for continuity of the discussion, and for flow. Some have been deleted for the sake of relevance. If you want to see the full, unedited thread for yourself, you can see that HERE. The edited and streamlined version is below for your reading enjoyment.

The quote that started it all :::

“The ego is not a thing but a subtle effort, and you cannot use effort to get rid of effort--you end up with two efforts instead of one. The ego itself is a perfect manifestation of the Divine, and it is best handled by resting in Freedom, not by trying to get rid of ego, which simply increases the effort of ego itself.” --Ken Wilber 

Of course, I cannot speak for Ken Wilber—nor will I attempt to.

Simultaneously, I have read and listened to most of his stuff. As a result, I can certainly imagine—to varying degrees of accuracy—what he is speaking to, so I will attempt to translate him.

AND this will be based on my own experience after 19 years of conscious work, clearing, and self-examination and evolution—AND based on my work with over 200 clients one-on-one in my Personal Evolution Program, which lasted [when I used to do that work]  about 7 months--designed to accelerate the evolution of their ego ::: to widen their embrace. To increase their ease. To reduce their fear. To eliminate most of their anger. To increase their esteem for the Self.

So I may be and will be projecting/hallucinating…and it will be accurate—to varying degrees. Your mileage may vary.

So…what is “ego”? Most in popular spiritual and psychological circles will say we must transcend our ego, or worse ::: “annihilate it”. Is this healthy? Is this ecological? Does it suit the ecology of the environment we exist in?

The ecology of the self?

Is “ego what motivates us” as Pi asserts? Perhaps sometimes, yes. perhaps always—sure.

And the question for me becomes, motivates HOW? From what stage? Because, you see, we will be motivated differently from different stages, for different reasons.

For me, ego is essentially the seat of our consciousness. Where it rests and comes from. Not its Source. Its Source is the very kosmos ::: consciousness with a capital C. 

James Reidy suggested as a definition :::

Ego: n. a person's conscious and unconscious beliefs about their own identity. 

To which I responded ::: think of it as a prism through which Spirit is shining. A prism the light of God Consciousness shines through [and is skewed to varying degrees]. To the degree the stuff you are talking about is clear and or conscious is the degree to which it is god/dess, spirit, the very cosmos. I would say the stuff you are talking about is the dirt on the glass. 

Which is what I think Ken Wilber means when he says:

“The ego itself is a perfect manifestation of the Divine."

Everything is a perfect manifestation of the divine. That is the essence of non-dual reality. AND of course, even duality is held within non-duality. It must be. Spirit does not judge. We do.

And if we are careful to incorporate stages, the ever-increasing, ever-widening waves and stages and levels that one passes through, plateaus at, regresses and contracts to on occasion—where our emotional reactions come from and where our interpretations are filtered through—whether we use Kolberg, Gilligan, or Gravesian models to determine our “stage” ego can not be transcended.

It cannot be annihilated—with one exception. Blowing your brains will do it.

Death will do it.

And this is the problem I have with most “gurus” is they set up a massive internal conflict or increase internal dissonance/discordance with their idea about annihilating the ego. Their 2-dimensional, either/or relationship to ego. Which is what I think Ken Wilber is pointing to when he says :::

“The ego is not a thing but a subtle effort, and you cannot use effort to get rid of effort--you end up with two efforts instead of one."

AND it is only their ego that wants you to annihilate yours—to submit to them.

However, we can get the same intended results of openness, expansiveness, acceptance, with a more ecological and holistic understanding of ego. And with that understanding, what we CAN do is evolve it. Expand it. Have it occur as more diffuse. So wide and so diffuse it needs no protection. It needs no assertion. It has nothing to prove.

It will occur like a transcendent ego. It will look like “ego-less-ness”. What it actually looks like it the ever-expanding upward spiral. AN unfolding. A larger embrace.

Let me ask you what kind of ego can be “one with all things that are arising…moment to moment…even now”? I’ll tell you what kind of ego—a huge fucking ego. A wide and high ego. A diffuse ego. An ego so large that feedback or other’s attacks are accepted and absorbed into it like a still lake. it is also a subtle ego.

Unfortunately we are used to seeing very loud, pre-rational egos, and calling that “ego”. Yet it is an underdeveloped, uncertain ego than needs to be a gross [vs subtle], hard, reactive, ego. A defensive ego. Not a huge, well developed ego. A large, expanded ego is subtle and diffuse.

Simultaneously, their presence can be very powerful. When they look at you, their gaze often sees deeper into you than you have into yourself, which can be very uncomfortable for some. For others, habit forming.

Wilber again: "…and it is best handled by resting in Freedom, not by trying to get rid of ego"

AND as I am fond of saying ::: the biggest ego trip in the kosmos is thinking you can or will ever “transcend” your ego.

However, we can expand it, evolve it, and have it so developed and so diffuse that it occurs “transcendent” for most people—because there is little resistance. There is so much confidence that you do not need to prove yourself—even to yourself. It allows you to more easily look in the mirror. To accept where you are wrong and have wronged.

There is a true freedom there. The freedom that Wilber speaks to, I believe. And resting there…is fun in the quiet joy kind of way.

Derek Arckis said :::

Another example is: 'Awareness alone is curative'. Yes, this works well as well, if you don't have to come back into the world (Samara) and socially function via emotions and affect response / motive (seat of ego). Not so subtle if you ask me. Awareness of the great intensity of feeling through the burning off of karma is much more realistic and painful, yet truly evolutionary, rather than blowing (ungrounded) in the high winds of a brightly lit day (merely enlightenment). 

But who wants to bypass the quick and dirty and do the actual work to truly evolve (in the egoic sense, rather than mere cognitive experience)?

Exactly … AND what it takes to get there—is work. Being vigilant in our awareness. The subtleties of our awareness. Subtle effort. And in that, is freedom. When re-relax into the Witness—our ever-present awareness—we are there in the atmosphere of enlightenment.

I understand this turns the popular idea of ego on its head. I get that. I also get that Wilber and Cohen [not Cowan] have both talked about this in passing—briefly. At least the idea that it is a big ego that is an enlightened ego—and the obviousness of the stages in all of their work.

Why they still talk about it in two-dimensional terms I am uncertain of. I have one major guess ::: They are speaking into the existent memes and tapping those associations, rather than attempting to undertake the effort to recode and reframe over 2,500 years of entrenched traditions.

Given they are some of the very few who understand this, that is my guess.

AND who knows?

They do. He does. Some part of you does … even now.

What if you could count on a prospective client signing an extended package with you when you see them in person? When I say, "count on" on mean--with 95% certainty?

As a holistic practitioner, you are sensitive to dynamics that do not feel right and you truly want to be of service to your prospective clients. You correctly want to make sure they never feel pressured.

And they never should--they do not need to be.

At the same time, if you have been in business for yourself for any length of time, you have come to realize that if you do not assist them in overcoming their concerns and their fears or limitations in thinking, you will never be able to assist them in realizing the life they have always wanted, dreamed of, and perhaps have come to you to assist them in finally achieving. In a sense, this is your first test as their coach, guide, or service provider in the helping industries.

Are you going to let them leave with those limitations intact? Or are you going to expand their world ever so gently?

The reality is, if you do not have financial sustainability, you will not be able to serve for very long before your own concerns of thriving and prospering come into play.  In a word, you need to learn to SELL--but sell without compromising your values of service, contribution, and ethics...

Many talk about using initial or "free" consultations to sign clients, but few know how to set these up to turn them into results. How to systematically use your communication before hand, setting context, and being so effective in the session with your guidance that the results end up being inevitable ::: you can begin to count on the client signing the agreement taking the gueswork out of our business, your financial life, and increasing your confidence exponentially.

Other distinctions I will be including in the evening :::

• How to be so effective in your question flow that "closing" them or "overcoming their objections" becomes unnecessary--as a result of how your being of service.
• The three steps to opening the relationship [signing the client]
• How [and why] to sign the client without ever giving away free services
• How to sell without ever selling
• How to integrate permission-based selling
  

Monday, March 29th, 7pm Pacific. You must register to be on the call.

I will be taking questions live on the call. So be there--or be a hypotenuse.

Smart solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs know that one good idea can mean the difference in tens of thousands of dollars for your business. I have several IDEAs for you. Register for the call by clicking HERE.


In Service,

jason.the.mcclain™

UPDATE ::: You can now hear the call by clicking play below. You can also see the links mentioned in the call here:

• The FAQ I mentioned as an example is HERE.
• The two services offerings I mentioned so you can see their structure are HERE and HERE.

And if you are interested in the course we are about to release, sign up to be notified HERE.

Here is the audio for the call:

Adobe Flash Player not installed or older than 9.0.115!

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too. SHHHHHHH. 

----

Teleseminar ::: Coaching the Coach ::: Creating Packages

How to create compelling packages for your clients.

"The most striking feature of the perennial philosophy/psychology is that it presents being and consciousness as a holarchy of dimensional levels, moving from the lowest, densest, and most fragmentary realms to the highest, subtlest, and most unitary ones." --Ken Wilber

Not only does having a comprehensive offering allow you to guide a client to more sustainable and stable change that takes hold--change that actually sticks--serving them more comprehensively--it also allows you, as the practitioner, to relax into serving them--allowing you to focus all of your energies on the clients outcomes--rather than concern for whether they will be back next week--or not.

Many of my clients lately have been asking "Well, HOW do I create one, McClain?" 

HOW do we create these offerings such that they are coherent, cogent, compelling, and credibly solid?

This seems to be a fairly confronting aspect of building a 6-figure coaching or practitioner business. Confronting both emotionally and structurally--feeling good about it and knowing how.

Doing what The McClain-Ness™ does best, I have modeled out the structure of this kind of offering and what it must contain and comprise to be something that a client finds coherent, cogent, compelling, and credible.

What you will discover during this call :::

 

• The structure of phases and stages and how to "stack" them to best serve the client; how to "build" your offering
• The 4 components a comprehensive package must have to be compelling
• How to present your package--how to use the package to NOT sell and therefore sell even more effectively
• The philosophical and emotional residue that comes up for practitioners from antiquated ways of thinking ::: and how to resolve it
  
  

Monday, March 22 @ 7pm Pacific. You must register for the call. Do that by clicking on this link. There are 99 spots available, so snag your spot now.

The call will be live, and I will be taking your questions, so I encourage you to be on the call--and to bring your concerns, your challenges, and your curiosity.

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too. SHHHHHHH. 

UPDATE ::: This call is over. The audio from the call is now available here:

Adobe Flash Player not installed or older than 9.0.115!

---

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components.

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free tele-seminar discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

Monday, March 15th, 2010 @ 7pm Pacific. Use this link to register for the call:

http://myaccount.maestroconference.com/conference/register/7B344C7GLNT38MX

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error." -M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Be sure you have something to take notes with: and feel free to submit questions before hand. Space is limited to 99 participants to grab your spot now.

Monday, March 15th, 2010 @ 7pm Pacific. Use this link to register for the call:

http://myaccount.maestroconference.com/conference/register/7B344C7GLNT38MX

In Service and in Evolution,

jason.the.mcclain™

UPDATE :::

Here is the audio of the call for y'all :::

Adobe Flash Player not installed or older than 9.0.115!

One of the main challenges that small business people face—particularly solo practitioners or “solo-preneurs” in general--is the problem and the art of motivating oneself.

You are your own boss. If you have employees, then the game may be a little different for you as you have people depending on you.  However, if it is just you, there are often no external forces telling you that you must do any particular “thing”.  There are certainly exceptions to this—client deliverables, purchases that have been made, the general inertia of your business pulling you along at some point, but really, especially at first, it is an uphill battle for many on their own.

There are so many aspects to this problem of motivation that some never figure it out—or worse, they find solutions that compound the problem in the long-term because the “solutions” are ill-suited approaches. Ill-suited to them as individuals.

To really add fuel to the fire [or baking soda to the lack thereof] we have distractions, overwhelm, time management, prioritization, and the list goes on, and on, and on.

What works for one person in terms of motivation may or may not—and often does not—work for another. So it is with time management, goals, and the like. There is no one-size-fits-all or even a one-size-fits-most solution. Particularly for those who are more sensitive both emotionally and kinesthetically/energetically, many of the “take massive action” or “get present to the consequences if you do not” approaches create more internal dissonance, and if the tasks or milestones the individual is accountable for are not accomplished, this can lead to a build-up of that same internal dissonance, or worse, feelings of guilt or worse still, even shame, and with the principle of compound interest on the “debt” you have with yourself…well, we can see where it may and often does lead: overwhelm rather than accomplishment.

Even if it does not lead there for you, these levels of intense urgent styles of motivational techniques can cause a lack of balance at best, and at worst, hardcore burnout.

What is the solution? Custom design your own motivational strategy using a few basic principles and approaches.

Step 1: Discover Your Style

Find out what works for you at a base level. Since at least Aristotle was writing in the  300s B.C. we have known that humans are generally motivated in two basic ways or “directions” ::: away from pain or toward pleasure. Or both.

Stated in the context of goals and deliverables: away from consequences or toward a vision.

You will notice one creates leverage [and often contraction and internal dissonance] in your body—it pushes you. Compels you. Often uncomfortably. The other pulls you forward. It is expansive. It opens you and draws you toward it.

The danger is to judge one or the other. Urgency/away from/consequence driven motivation could be “bad” because it creates tension and dissonance. Vision is “good” because it is expansive. Or the reverse; vision/toward is “bad” because it does not create massive intense action, necessarily. Urgency/away from is “good” because it creates more instant [in some] results.

An additional component is style is how you like to be supported. 

This is also a critical component. While I am not an "accountability coach" per se, and never have been, quite often, clients ask me to support them in getting stuff done. Before I even begin such an aspect of our relationship, and since I can assume almost any style of coaching to serve them at this point, I ask them ::: how do you like to be supported.

No this before asking for external help--or be prepared to explore that inquiry with your friend, guide, coach, or accountability partner.

The truth is, whichever style works for you, as you become more aware, even now, at how you have created results in the past for yourself—when you found yourself simply motivated to accomplish what you wanted to accomplish—is the “good” style for you.

If an “away from” strategy works best for you, then create externally supported consequences to propel you forward. Engage a coach professionally, who coaches in that style. Or have a friend be your accountability partner—and someone willing to enforce uncomfortable consequences for/on you.

If this kind of approach has you feel overwhelmed, or has you feel like running from your entire support system [missing phone calls, not emailing them when you said you would, unaccomplished tasks building up, etc.], then consider the other approach: an approach that has you moving toward a larger vision. Toward a future you are creating. An approach that has you stay constantly present to the deeper meaning in the work you are doing; what your purpose of mission is, so you stay in the game. Plainly put ::: remember why you are committed to doing what you are supposed to do, in the grand scheme of things.  

As an example: you’re not simply “having a client session”. You are doing far more than that—you are helping someone have the life they have always dreamed of. And even greater or larger, you are contributing to the evolution of humanity itself—to a global vision of the Greater Good.

Mission. Vision. Life Purpose.

Whatever your style, be sure you use the one that best suits your sensibilities and produces the results for you, in your life, that you want produced.

Step 2: Make Your Tasks Bite-Sized.

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” –Anonymous

It is not an "event" is an unfolding process.

Make sure your expectations are realistic, and that your goals and outcomes are in stages, and a palatable size. Often, people set these wild expectations for themselves or they have their goal of “building a business” be a one-step process, rather than what it is: a natural process of growth we see all around us.

First, we crawl. Then we walk. Then we run.

You would not expect to go to the gym for the very first time and lift 300 pounds would you? Of course not. You would go, do a little to stretch yourself—just get a little sore—and then do a little more until you are at the level—eventually—you want to be at.

Nothing happens in one step.

And make sure the chunks are an appropriate size for your sensibilities—again, not someone else’s no matter how much of a “motivational guru” they are.

Allow me to give you a personal example. Nearly a decade ago now, I used to make 200 cold calls a day. However, I did not last long when I tried to declare or commit to making that many phone calls. Too large of a chunk.  So I tried blocks of 50. It was still daunting. Eventually, I got down to committing to simply doing blocks of 10. That was easy. In fact, it was so easy, I did another 10. And another. This little psychological game I played with myself made it easier and easier to consistently accomplish 200 calls a day.

Make sure your level of expectations (your workload, your milestones, and even your to-do list if you use one) are all designed to maintain balance, while consistently building and growing.

Slow, sustainable, constant growth and expansion is always preferable to short-term, over-the-top goals, as that is the sustainable, and more ecological [both emotionally and systemically] approach.

I will suggest one thing : make sure you always accomplish the most important or most pressing single task for that day. Just pick one. You know which one it is. If you want to do more, great. But commit to doing that one thing you know needs to be done today. If that “one thing” is too large a task, break it down into sub-tasks, and eat that elephant one bite at a time.

In sum, there are three major steps to “motivating” yourself.

1. Discover The Style or “direction” that works for you. Are you motivated toward something larger or toward a vision? Or are you more motivated with consequences and pain?
2. Set up systems and structures to support your style of motivation. Whether that is through a colleague, friend, professional, or with yourself is irrelevant until you learn what best works for you--both in terms of style and in terms of actual structures.
3. Make sure your goals or milestones or “stuff” you wanna get done is not only realistic, but is also in the appropriate “chunk size” so you do not undercut or undermine the first two steps. And relax—you can always increase chunk size or workload as you gain momentum and a sense of accomplishment.

Test. Adjust. Test again. Find out what work. Build on your successes. Harvest the lessons when you miss your target. Build upon that as well. Often, those lessons are even more valuable than accomplishing what you set out to do.

If you know where and how to examine the failures they are always more valuable than the successes and will lead to exponential success in the long run.

Have fun with it. Remember, it is your life. You get to live it as you choose.

In Service,

Jason The McClain

I was thinking about the approval thing. But first--you have come a long way. So stop, take a deep breath, turn around towards the sunset and enjoy the vista. You deserve it.

"The mountain we climb in Personal Evolution is a bit like a mirage while hiking/climbing a mountain. You could stop now and camp for the night--or say, "forget this", it and go back down the mountainside. Buuuuutt, you can also see there is a reachable summit. So you choose to go further--yet...when you reach what you thought would be the summit, there is yet another summit that materializes out of the mist. And this goes on forever. There is no omega point except when you choose to simply stop and rest.

Each of us have that choice every day. For some, we still consciously choose to continue to deepen our depths--and plumb just behind them. There is no end or bottom to the depth, there are only unplumbed depths. For others, they have achieved a high enough peak, that there is no motivation--no real life reason--to climb the next.  And there are others I will not list in the interests of time. I choose--consciously--to evolve further when I should or must--that is when my business or financial or relational results are inhibited by some aspect of myself. Otherwise, I am pretty darned content with where I am at-BUT I still need to have constant attention on where I need to be for others in the context in which I want to move with greater velocity--or frankly, sometimes, ANY velocity.

I urge you to make the same or a similar real world criteria as you become more and more comfortable with you you are...and as you come to full acceptance of yourself, there is a pitfall of not caring what others think--and disregarding their feedback. Care what others think in practical terms--and care deeply--as it fosters results. Do not care about their opinions and judgments of you on a personal level. That is--think about the practical results and adjust, but know that as an internally validated man, the matter of your self-worth is settled. The question of the value you bring to people and the world in this context or that context, well, that is never settled as it depends on too many variables [each individuals expectations and sensibilities, your skill and competence in the domain, your sensitivities/awareness when adjustments are needed, market forces, etc.]. But that is a separate practical matter.

The personal: your self-worth, is a settled matter. It is...well, pick your preference/metaphor: it is good. It is priceless. It is worth-full. It is Spirit manifest. It is divine.

As for the seeking of approval-that is obviously pretending as if your worth could be determined externally. It can not. Whether you realize it yet or not, you still have to accept the opinion of others--good, bad, right, wrong--to have their opinions matter. In other words, you have the ultimate choice still--even if you are not exercising it to as full a degree as you will enjoy in the future.

But why even do this work? What does it make possible? Why spend the time, energy, and the--at times--grueling work of dis-identification, detachment, and internalizing validity when you notice it as external? Why forgo the feel good and the short term false ego pump of compliments?

In a word: Freedom. Freedom from what?

Freedom from the ebbs and flows of the opinions and judgments of others. Why is this important? So you can gather feedback, without the moral and emotional cloud of personal meaning. Here is the challenge with tying your valuation to another's opinions: you are not only cast about from one end to the other, AND the problem with that is that people react from and interpret through their stage of egoic, emotional, and values meme stage of development. There will be patterns and probabilities, and all feedback is valid for them, but there is only so much contorting you can engage in, and stay sane and centered, and more importantly, live authentically--true to yourself.

Additionally, believe me, as someone who has had people tell me I am a god [literally] on more than one occasion and at times, had people tell me I was an a**hole and the devil's spawn [literally] I came to realize that no matter what they say, the truth is somewhere in the middle, and their acknowledgments and their judgments are worth only one thing: getting specifics around those experiences [I did X Y and Z in A context and they felt B emotion as a result] for the purpose of adjusting my behavior for improved results.

Their characterizations are worthless except as crude pointers to their stage of development because, again, we interpret through and react and respond from our stage of development And even then, I have to gauge how valuable it is -- determined solely by how large a percentage of people are at that stage and would react/interpret the same way.

All feedback is valid--and everyone's emotional experience is valid as it is and to be left untouched unless requested otherwise. However, not all feedback is valuable.

Now, what I can not say is where the line is between the idea that they are responsible for their own emotional experience--and you are not--and where you are responsible for your impact on others and the results you garner. That is a line I have yet to determine for myself after nearly a decade of inquiry. I do know that I tend to move more and more towards having room for the emotional reactions I create in others-sometimes by simply walking through the room, or making a benign comment about my schedule, or not noticing someone in a room I am in--having space for that and having them feel valid without my trying to adjust their experience is a skill I am still developing and only in the last year and a half feel fully competent at. And I get it right about 65% of the time.

Circling back--the thing to remember is that you are already determining your own worth, by agreeing or disagreeing with those who assess you as good/bad or some variation. You still have to buy into their perspective. And since you are the ultimate decider, decide now, that irrespective of the value assessments they are making and the validity of the feedback, the matter of your self-worth is settled.

We were told a lie as children--something about original sin. It is more accurate to say we were born with universal innocence. And imagine, the preciousness and the innocence of a blameless child. At your core...that is you irrespective of any behaviors that are not aligned--YOU, at your core, are precious and pure, and have a hologram of divinity that you are reflecting and projecting.

To think otherwise is an error--a mistake--and nothing more.

In Service and in Evolution,

Jason

Part 1 can be found HERE. Part 3 Can be found HERE.

Part II ::: Action

We covered the first variable in your equation for success ::: thoughts. And the third ::: Will.

 In this post we will cover the 2nd variable in your equation for success ::: Action.

Deliberate. Consistent. Action.

Many talk about the need to take “massive action”.  While this is useful, I disagree.  AND I disagree not because that approach is ineffective, but rather because it is harmful to the system ::: it is un-ecological.

Taking massive action can burn one out and then they must stop and take a breather. Then they go into massive action again. And they get burned out. And so it goes, the cycle infinite, ad nauseum. There is a fundamental lack of balance. Over time, this will lead to resistance to projects, significant health issues—a lack of lack of healthy being-ness with families, spouses, children, life partners, and lovers, who are lacking engagement from you—feeling a love deficit.

AND at worst, addictions—be they food or drugs or alcohol or relationships—so that people can detach and become disembodied.  So they can stop feeling how bad this approach feels in their body.

While those who advocate this approach are coming from a positive place, to be sure, I have only 1 question ::: “do we want to be advocating an approach that leads to the above pathologies?

Of course not.

This lack of balance and consistency pervades our culture to no good end—long term.

However, there is a more whole-istic [taking your whole system into account with a long term view added as an additional dimension] way of approaching action…

Think of your business—and your action around your business—like an extension of your body. Would you go to the gym for the first time and automatically try to spend 2 hours on the stair master? Of course not. Would you go to the gym for the first time ever and expect to bench press 300 pounds? Of course not. Even if you were actually able, somehow, to physically complete those “goals” you would be so wiped out the following day—and so sore—that you may or may not return.

Business acquisition  is the same way. Go easy at first. Pace yourself. Make sure you stretch and prepare. Make sure you go push yourself a little bit.  However, go to the gym almost every day.

I cannot count the times I was in action. Consistent. Deliberate. Action.  And business came from somewhere completely out of the blue and seemingly entirely unrelated to the activity I was engaged in around business or the leads I was following up on.

 Say, returning calls. Or writing an article to demonstrate your competence. Writing a talk that you could give at the local small business association or trade conference, or what have you. Email a resource to a client you had stumbled upon that will be valuable to them given what you know about them and their particular needs—and heck, just calling your clients on a non-business call for 10 or so minutes to see how they are in general. 

Consistently. Deliberately. Persistently. Continuously. Ever-expanding-ly.

Not only will your neurology—your nervous system and your egoic and emotional structures—expand to include all of that; to appropriately embrace your experience. To expand your embrace of all that is and is arising. Including your business. Your wealth. Your “successes” and your  “failures”.  Whatever is arising moment to moment. Even now.

 And of course, the “spooky” thing is that often, just having your attention and intentionality on your business produces results often from “out of nowhere”.  As if you are applying the basic principles of the Law of Attraction, you will also see opportunities that you would not have noticed before. And opportunities will come to you as you put out the energy into the world. 

Whether you succeed or fail is almost irrelevant. I say almost, because we want the general direction to be upwards—the general trend of you meeting or exceeding your self-declared targets to be...up.

However, even more important that tactical success is strategic learning. I say “more important” as the latter will serve the former in ways you can only begin to imagine…even now. I would rather have your attention on the learnings—even when you “succeed” than on whether your are “succeeding” or “failing”

And while most of this article has been focused on the Self, there is another aspect that can be the crux of your success or failure ::: and it is included as an essential aspect of your action. What is this element? It is your skill acquisition and your learning acquisition—your heard earned and well-paid-for lessons in business—in how to inspire others toward a vision.

 As important as maintaining deliberate action toward your vision--perhaps even more important--is your ability to inspire a team, a spouse, a business partner to maintain their own deliberate action in service of the ultimate goal or realization.

We will discuss this at length in future writings. For now, McClain, out.

Wishing you Health, Success, and Fulfillment,

Jason The McClain

Given the generosity of this Community and your desire to good in the world, some of you may be wondering which cause you should contribute to this Holiday Season.

Yet, we are left with a conundrum :::

With large organizations, regardless of their stated principles, there is always a challenge
dealing with overhead, administrative costs, and general efficiency of your donations.

Sadly, this makes many of us hesitant to give. And rightly so.

Which has me looking for causes where there is a minimum of administrative costs. Where there is a real translation between the dollars we give and the good it
will do.

What if you knew about a place to donate to remove all the layers between you and the actual difference you were making? What if you were assured you could make a difference immediately, NOW direct to the cause?

Meet the cause :::
http://www.yestomiracles.com/

Watch the video on that page and watch the one on this page:
http://www.yestomiracles.com/bio/

and read the story. I met this woman on the trip to LA attending a fund raiser with Destin Gerek, and while not knowing who it was for, we walked in and even with her back to us,
I *FELT* she was the brightest light in the room.

She was the only one I was interested in meeting--and requested so.

Imagine my surprise that the fund-raiser was for her.

Regardless of your beliefs, beliefs system, or relationship to the holidays, if you are not moved to tears by this woman and her path...well, let's just say if you are alive, and you watch this woman's videos you should be moved to give to her cause.

I beg of you to do as your heart dictates.

And if your heart dictates, visit the links and hit the "donate" button. Any amount--large or small--will help.

In Service and In Evolution,

The McClain-Ness™

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components. 

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free evening talk discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error." -M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Jason D McClain will lead this talk. 

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Bring something to take notes with. 

When and Where  [specific locations to be announced]

Los Angeles ::: Monday, April 19th ::: 7pm to 9pm

San Diego ::: Tuesday, February  9th ::: 7pm to 9pm